I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
