i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
