i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
