You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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