Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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