I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
