I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
did you just send me my own nude
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
