Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
