Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
