Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
