she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
