You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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