Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
