Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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