i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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