so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
