Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
