Quick, to the slutcave!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
