i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
