Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
