i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
