Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
