Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize