If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
how does that bad decision feel?
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