KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
