I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
