you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
