This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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