thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
