i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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