Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
