Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i need to put some appletini on your dick
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
