dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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