ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
