So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
