And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
