Tell her she can't have a vagina
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
