Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
