The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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