Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
