Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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