apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
