So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
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if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Success! We fucked roommates!
A bitchslap is in order.
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