It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
