I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why is your signature on my underwear?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
