$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
