That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
