Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
