This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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