At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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