I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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