he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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