my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
