Sponge bath it is.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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