Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
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Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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