Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
