He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pants are for mortals
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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