Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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