evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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