I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
