OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just had sex bonerless
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
