turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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