i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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