I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
