You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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