Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
