Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
