So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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