omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
