Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
