y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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