she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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