you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
this will be a night to untag.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
