I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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