I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
