Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
third nipple confirmed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
