so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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