Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
