ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He did a backflip because drugs
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