The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
