honey bunches of taint.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
