i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
