How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
